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By Anonymous at 2008-03-26 15:35 | Funny images | Office | login or register to post comments | email to a friend | 939 reads | vote 1 votes

The serenity prayer


Grant me the serenity
To accept the things
I cannot change
The courage to change
The Things I cannot accept
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people
I had to kill today
Because they pissed me off and
Also, help me to be careful
Of the toes I tep on today as they
May be connected to the ass
That I might have to kiss tomorrow

By Anonymous at 2005-09-05 12:14 | Office | login or register to post comments | email to a friend | read more | 789 reads | vote 3 votes

Prayer at Work


Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I cannot accept,
and the wisdom to hide the bodiesof those people I had
to kill today because they pissed me off.

And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on
today as they may be connected to the ass that I may have
to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work...
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Fridays

And help me to remember...
When I'm having a really bad day,
and it seems that people are trying to piss me off,
that it takes 42 muscles to frown and
only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me!

By gummybear at 2005-09-05 12:14 | Office | login or register to post comments | email to a friend | read more | 587 reads | vote 5 votes

Phrases For Your "Out-Of-The-Office" E-Mail Auto-Reply


- I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

- I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

- You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

- Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.

- I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

By rt314se at 2005-09-05 12:13 | Office | login or register to post comments | email to a friend | read more | 694 reads | vote 3 votes

David Brent's office wisdom


1. Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

2. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

3. There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.

4. Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.

5. Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.

6. Never do today that which will become someone else’s responsibility tomorrow.

7. Every time you open your mouth you have this wonderful ability to continually confirm what I think.

By Anonymous at 2005-09-05 12:12 | Office | login or register to post comments | email to a friend | read more | 574 reads | vote 4 votes

Bob calls in sick


Bob calls in to his job:
Hey, boss I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work.

The boss says:
You know Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that.

2 hours later Bob calls:
Boss, I did what you said, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house

By Bog at 2003-12-23 06:00 | Office | login or register to post comments | email to a friend | read more | 163 reads | vote not rated

Computer Virus


LEWINSKY VIRUS
sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.
MIKE TYSON VIRUS
quits after one byte

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS
your 300mb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100mb and then slowly expands to 200mb.

DR. JACK KEVORKAIN VIRUS
deletes all old files.

TITANIC VIRUS
your whole computer goes down.

DISNEY VIRUS
everything in your computer goes goofy

PROZAC VIRUS
screws up your ram, but your processor doesn't care.

JOEY BUTTAFUCCO VIRUS
only attacks minor files

By rt314se at 2003-12-21 06:00 | Office | login or register to post comments | email to a friend | read more | 165 reads | vote not rated

5 reasons why computers must be female


1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

4. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."

5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

By rt314se at 2003-02-21 06:00 | Office | login or register to post comments | email to a friend | read more | 159 reads | vote not rated
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