A blonde, a brunette, a redhead, a vicar, a priest, a rabbi, two giraffes and a duck, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, a Russian, an Indian, a Chinaman, an Irishman, an Englishman and an American, and a Scotsman walked into a bar.

The barman said, "Hold on a minute, is this some sort of joke?"

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says:
"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

An unemployed idiot saw a Help Wanted sign outside a large convention center. He went in and applied for the job.

“We have a major business convention tomorrow – some of the most important executives in the world will be coming! I need someone who will take care of security, check the invitations, give directions, etc. You will stand at the front door. Can you do it?” said the manager.

“Oh, YES SIR!” said the idiot.

The following night the manager gave final instructions.

“THIS IS YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION AND A LIST OF YOUR DUTIES! You need to be paying attention! I need your full cooperation! You HAVE to do this job correctly! I have put these directions on this paper!” he said, handing it to the idiot. “Remember! The guests remain on the convention floor! The rest of the center is being used! And keep things clean! Be careful! And you are SECURITY! So keep order!”

There once was a guy named:
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Somebody knocks on the door of the druggy:
Drug addict: - Who is there?
Somebody: - It's me
Drug addict: - Me??!